Cold

I just finished reading Joan Didion's non-fiction book The Year of Magical Thinking. I had read it a few years ago and while I enjoyed it then, it meant a hell of a lot more to me now. It's about her life after her husband died of a massive heart attack while they were eating …

Things I Wish I Knew

Things I wish I had asked my husband prior to his death...and things you may want to ask your significant other in case the unexpected becomes your reality, too... his email password his Facebook password his other email password his Twitter password where the instructions for the ice cream maker are his iPhone access code …

His Last Breath

I bought a large rubber tote yesterday. I have been looking at Chad's clothes sitting in a pile on the bench in our room for the last month. I know he's never going to wear his clothes again. It's a truth that is really hard to fathom, but it's a truth nonetheless. He's gone. He …

I Need To Buy An Air Popper

I tried to make popcorn on the stove last evening. I burned most of it. My husband always made me popcorn on the stove. It's my favorite evening snack. We don't own a microwave and I don't want the extras that are in microwave popcorn bags anyway. He didn't even like to eat popcorn. He …

A Father’s Daughter

My grandmother wore Shalimar perfume. I still have a small vial in my medicine cabinet that I don't wear, but it was here when we moved in and I have kept it as is. I have smelled that perfume at random times while living in this house. Not just a random whiff, but a powerful …

No Goodbye

My husband died. It's been almost three weeks. One moment he was talking to me, reasoning with me, seeing me. I watched him walk down the hallway towards our living room. Not knowing it would be the last time that I would speak to him. See his legs in motion. Watch him breathe. I didn't …