Death affects everyone so differently.
Some people cry uncontrollably.
Some people shut down.
And some people just get on with things.
I think I get on with things…
I’m a bit angrier than usual, but I’m getting on with things.
Because I still have to be a mother.
I still have to feed the kids.
and the cats
and the chickens
and the horse
and the dog
and the hermit crab
why does no one else ever feed the hermit crab?!
I didn’t want the hermit crab!
I still have to attend a gajillion school events as mom to two school aged daughters…the mom that used to have a partner, but who now goes at it alone.
And now I’ve become hypersensitive to seeing other husbands (they are everywhere!) and dads (wow, so many dads out there) because we are without our husband/dad figure now.
It’s like when I was pregnant.
When I was hoping to get pregnant and then when I waited 9 months to meet my baby, I was hypersensitive to the fact that there are babies EVERYWHERE.
Moms grouped together in stroller gangs—everywhere
Now, it’s like the Widow Channel is on all of the time.
Husbands and fathers are out in plenty these days…my eyes dart right to them.
The girls and I talk about our absent husband/father a lot.
-how he would be going crazy over the latest Star Wars preview
-how pissed he would be at how his family has treated us since he left
-how many hugs he would be giving these days for all of the girls’ accomplishments (he was a frequent hugger-so very good at the big arm wrap-around)
-how apathetic he would be to the fact that the pool in the woods is going to be torn down
I also get a bit sad to see fathers and husbands who aren’t showing up for their wives/kids when they are perfectly capable of doing so.
My husband would give ANYTHING to be here with us.
Because he loved us more than anything else…more than anyone else.
Knowing that does help me to sleep at night.
Losing your life without warning, without a goodbye, causes so much non-closure for those that get left behind.
Be present, people.
Be present for those around you-
for those that love you.
because you can.