I wonder if the dog misses Chad?
Willie, the spotted hound dog, and Chad had a distant relationship even though they lived in the same house.
At times there would be a stare down between a hound dog and a man’s hand in our living room.
Dog would stare and stare and stare at the hand
Dog would stare and stare and stare up into the man’s face hoping he would move his hand to the top of his head and then
Often times the staring would go completely unnoticed by the man and I would have to say “Chad, just pet the dog already!”
And he would and the dog would be fulfilled and the dog would go lay down.
Until the next staring incident.
Chad was more of a cat guy.
He and I discussed numerous times that, while we do enjoy dogs and always want to have a dog in the house, we are more cat people.
So, while they had a relationship that involved long walks around the yard doing their own separate things and the occasional pat on the head or the occasional chip tossed into the air to be caught by a hound dog’s big chomping teeth, it wasn’t a close relationship.
Does Willie know that the man is gone?
Does Willie care that the man is gone?
Does he miss the staring?
The hopefulness of the pats on the head that would eventually come?
I don’t think he cares.
I wish I could be more Willie-like.
But, of course I can’t.
I can’t forget.
The hole hasn’t been filled in at all.
I have daily moments of happiness, though.
When the kids are happy.
When trophies are won.
When they come in the door after a long day at school and they are still smiling.
That makes me happy.
They make me happy.
But, I miss the energy.
Just feeling him beside me…
I wish I didn’t feel so alone in a room full of people.
I wish I didn’t feel the stares so deeply.
I think constantly of the future.
Of what adventures we will go on without Chad.
Of life events that he won’t see.
Of memories yet to be made that don’t include him.
I wish I was more dog-like.
I wish I could be more like Willie…