Things I’ve Noticed About Rich People

I watch a lot of The Real Housewives of (insert various cities here) on Bravo and these are some things I’ve noticed about rich folks that are different from regular folks…

-rich folks drive to dinner in a Maserati.

-regular folks drive to dinner in a 10 year old minivan with gum forever stuck inside the drink holders.

-rich folks sit on the kitchen counters (and their kids do this) with their feet in the sink while talking about the party they were at last night.

-regular folks never sit on the kitchen counter because butts don’t belong up there and their feet won’t be in a sink because it’s full of yesterday’s spaghetti dinner dishes.

-rich folks dress up in high heels and low cut tops when getting together for an afternoon lunch of salad with the dressing on the side and a tall glass of Pinot.

-regular folks wear their new sandals from Target and last year’s t-shirt that says Dog Mom that still fits okayish for an afternoon lunch of water with lemon (because it’s free) and a Cobb salad with extra bacon, please.

-rich folks go to the spa where they get group massages, facials, and Botox.

-regular folks use a wooden back scratcher with a roller attachment on one end that can be used on only one shoulder at a time and pedicures that they do themselves in the bathroom where the lighting is horrible and their boobs keep getting in the way as they try to find their feet.

-rich folks fly to vacation on private planes and land in Tokyo or Lisbon or Bora Bora on a Tuesday.

-regular folks drive to vacation (in that 10 year old minivan again) to theme parks where mice or wizards are the themes and it’s so crowded because you can only go when everyone else is vacationing, too.

-rich folks have elaborate birthday parties for themselves and people give speeches about them.

-regular folks go to Texas Roadhouse three days after their birthday because they found a coupon and really, their kids want to go there, they don’t even like steak. Unless you are a gay person in Chicago with no kids, then you have an elaborate party as if you are a rich person.

-rich folks(gals) wear tops showing their cleavage.

-regular folks wear tops showing their cleavage and everyone stares and then whisper to one another “what a hobag, she need to put those things away.”

-rich folks buy their kids a brand new car when they turn 16.

-regular folks promise their kids they may buy them a used scooter and a LL Bean parka when they turn 16.

-rich folks get private tours of things…university, Disney, backstage at Barbra Streisand.

-regular folks follow the massive sweaty crowds around at university, Disney, and at Barbra Streisand’s concert they can barely see her because they could only afford an obstructed view ticket.

-rich folks buy their kids their first apartment in NYC and furnish it with goods from high end shops.

-regular folks make their kids have roommates in their first apartment (the more the better because you’ll divide the rent up that much more!) and it’s furnished with grandma’s hand-me down furniture and a chair you found on the side of the road that doesn’t smell like cat pee at all.

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