My friend is doing some online dating.
I started the ball rolling during the summer of 2017 as I was the one who sat in my house almost 200 miles away from her and made a profile on Match.com in her name.
I had spoken with her about going online to look for love. She hem and hawed about doing it herself so I just did it.
I uploaded a few very attractive photos and added some of her hobbies, likes and dislikes, and that she would like to meet someone who already has children.
I sent her a text saying this…”you now have an account on Match.com. Your username is ******** and your password is *****. Get busy finding a man!”
Here are her stats.
-She’s in her mid-40s.
-Never married. No kids.
-She calls herself a BBW…a big, beautiful woman.
-Looking for a man to spend her days and nights with.
-Someone to relax with together after a long day at work.
-Making dinner or going out to eat.
-Making breakfast together the next morning.
-Dancing to the songs blasting out of her Amazon Echo thingy.
-Going to a music event or a Broadway in Chicago show.
-Someone who’s VERY family oriented
She is very close to her immediate and extended family. And treats many of her friends as family. Such as mine.
She’s had a string of extreme sadness within the last decade and has had a 180 degree turn around out of the sadness that has made her a stronger and more thoughtful person.
She’s the most amazing and giving and beautiful woman I know.
But, online dating…she’s not having any luck.
She did chide me for putting one of her hobbies as crafting…which I think is funny, but don’t remember putting that down.
But, she DOES like crafts.
She redid her page after I had gotten it started for her.
And she, after a bit, opened another account on another dating site called Plenty Of Fish.
There are plenty of fish, but some of the choices are just downright icky.
She has had plenty of dick pics sent her way (I kid you not!).
I know this because she has sent me texts of the dicks…good lord.
She has been texting me and calling me asking me advice about some of the guys she has actually met.
A few seem really nice.
One seems like he could be a good mate, but he has demons in his past that he doesn’t seem capable of letting go of.
One guy is a total douchebag. And I’ve told her this. As have a few other of our friends.
But, here’s my biggest problem with all of this…
Am I really someone to ask advice for in terms of dating a guy in the 21st century?
What do I know about dating in your mid-forties?
I have been married to a man who I met at work and we married after only knowing one another for 10 months.
That was 17 years ago…actually 18 years of marriage will happen for us at the end of July.
He’s a good man. A hard worker. A great dad. A man who makes me laugh all of the time. Well, except when he’s annoying the crap out of me. But, that doesn’t happen too often. We fought along side our daughter while she was battling cancer. I truly believe it made our marriage stronger. We find that we often share the same brain. We constantly say the same thing at the same time to each other. I don’t think we are starting to look like one another yet, though.
So, what do I know about dating?
I offer my friend advice like “but does he want to go grocery shopping with you?” when she’s telling me about her latest sexscapade.
Or I say “but what do YOU want from him? A guy who has a hot bod and who’s great in bed or a guy who is willing to drive 45 minutes to make you soup for dinner once you get home from work?”
This was a real conversation we had this week.
I would totally take the soup guy over the hot bod guy because the hot bod guy is too superficial. Soup is where it’s at.
I don’t know if I’m giving any good advice to her.
Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to my 22 year old niece because I feel like some of the things out of my mouth are so old-fogeyish.
I remind her to stay true to the reasons she started her quest in the online dating world.
That she wants to find a soulmate.
And I reminded her that love doesn’t always happen in an instant.
Attraction manifests itself in many ways. And it can take time.
But, what do I know? I have ZERO idea of what it would be like to be my age (I am two months shy of 47-EGADS!) and looking for love
Recently I was talking with a male friend of mine and we both said that if our current spouses were to leave us or pass away (knock on wood that neither happens) we would not attempt to find a new mate. We are too set in our ways, we have our kids to keep us busy, and we don’t really like other people.
I am so proud of my girlfriend for stepping out into a new world with online dating. She was in a very bad relationship for the past twenty years. A relationship that was not conventional in any manner. One that just left her feeling lonely.
I have reminder her that her past does not have to dictate her future.
I hope I am offering something to her. I hope that some of the things I am saying give her confidence. I hope and I hope.
That a nice, decent, hard-working, funny, kind, thoughtful man enters her life.
Love Advice By Jen is not my next calling.
I am really good with chicken care and baking bread at home, though. Does anyone need advice on those things?
I hope I can do this whole “love advice” thing when my daughters start looking at the opposite sex (or the same sex, I’m cool with it). I’m sure I’ll sound old-fogeyish, but I also hope they find someone as great as their own dad.